I want to thank everyone who responded to Monday’s field report.  Sorry I can’t get back to each email but suffice it to say there was a lot uniformity.  All of us know approach anxiety but some of you learned that since women don’t relate to it, it’s always a dead end to do nothing when you sense attraction and convince yourself not to act in the moment.  Blaming it on not knowing what to say is just as derelict.  To prove that here are some recent openers I’ve run on girls:

1.  You probably didn’t know ______ was my favorite color. 

2.  You should know smoking is bad for you….so am I.

3.  Are you trying to muscle me out of my spot?

4.  Listen, if we’re going to get service (at bar) we need to get a little more creative.  Here    undo this button and lower your top a little.

How simple/stupid are these?  Here’s one more:  “Hi.”  My point of showing you these openers is not for you to copy.  It’s a demonstration that the words you open with when you have attraction never really matter.  What matters is actually getting off your ass and approaching/opening.  Don’t make this harder than it is.  See above.

Most guys without experience focus solely on the opening.  So what happens if their opener is successful?  What do they transition to?  You can bet they don’t have a model they follow or any type of content post opener.

Here’s an example: a friend of mine who’s tall, good looking and intelligent constantly approaches, opens, and attracts hot girls but he can’t seem to close.  I’m used to seeing him parade around some of the hottest girls in the venue.  Unfortunately I’m just as used to seeing him empty handed when the night comes to an end.    

So one day I asked him if he believed that the fact that he didn’t close with girls was based on a lack of knowledge/experience or that he wasn’t able to execute.  What he told me was very telling:  he said once he had attraction with them he felt he “had” them.   I told him he “had” them when he kicked them out of bed the next morning…lol  (his relationship goal is multiple/simultaneous short term)

To me what this means is that he probably doesn’t have a good feel for the rapport stage or doesn’t have the confidence to execute it.  I basically gave him the same exercise I presented to you guys last week.  http://thedatingmatrixblog.com/?p=95 

I need to really drive this into your heads.  Approaching and opening is not the end all be all.  It’s only the start.  And as I’ve demonstrated opening with attraction is not a matter of words but more of physically moving yourself in front of her. 

My goal is to get to the rapport stage is soon as I can.  The open is just something to say before I transition to more substantive material.   If a girl is signaling attraction, for me that’s like spotting Michael Jordon 10 points in a one on one game to eleven.  I’m going to close.  Why should it be any different for you?

Filed under: Uncategorized