Have any of you guys seen the incredibly intelligent and brilliantly cast Paris Hilton reality show BFF?  After channel surfing recently I embarrassingly stopped for a moment to watch.  I have to give Vh-1 credit for positively separating itself from the pack as the # 1 receptacle of televisions worst programming since C Span began carrying live feeds from our nations’ capital.  Well done.

Anyway, from what I could see the show is based on talent challenged girls performing stupid human tricks so as to win the friendship of Mademoiselle Hilton.  But that’s not what I want to talk about.  The scene I liked and is the subject of today’s blog has to do with qualification coupled with quick physical escalation.   

Where I began watching the show, the girls were queued and then independently entered a room where some guy was seated on a couch.  They sat next to him and he immediately began asking questions like “So, what’s your story?”  or “Who are you?”  This is called qualification.  Basically, he was making each girl jump through his hoop to justify why he should be spending any time with her.  In other words, what’s interesting or unique about this girl that he should find compelling?  The result is it puts the focus and the pressure on her.  Automatically there is a shift in value.  She is explaining why she is good enough, not the other way around.   He was creating social anxiety, because most girls aren’t accustomed to having to explain themselves.  Especially if they’re attractive. 

But then he then went a step further.  He immediately tested physical compliance by breaking down physical barriers by asking the girl to touch his chest, or give him a kiss, or hold his hand.   Nearly all complied.

Now when you create social anxiety, it’s uncomfortable-but not in the sense of making her run off.  Therefore, creating that emotional pressure, and then allowing a way out by switching subjects is usually welcomed.  In this case he demonstrated the leverage, and then pivoted to physical escalation.  A welcomed relief for most of the girls. 

Keep in mind, the idea here is that qualification should work like a toggle.  Push and pull.  Introduce it, and then remove it. 

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