I want to drop a few thoughts about rapport……but before we get to that lets talk about last night…same Tuesday night party venue in Miami…famous hotel in S. Beach…flying solo…started slow…opened 3 set mixed…nothing…more for social proof…noticed a girl I met before who I number closed but didn’t follow up…sitting at table with two guys…I make friends with a guy at the bar…cool guy but not much game…introduce him to a couple of girls…other friends show up…get introduced to a 9…phenomenal body…in the face looks like the actress Julianne Moore…I tell her wow, we have similar coloring…we should go shopping together…she laughs…tell her I have a stylist…she loves it…I’m the only straight man with a stylist in Miami…number close…another girl at the bar…from Bosnia…dark hair…deep tan…tell her to be more aggressive and show a bit more cleavage to get service…my new friend gets bartenders attention first…I offer to order for her and her girlfriend…but not pay…because then she might think she automatically gets to sleep with me…she laughs and agrees…we walk outside…blah blah blah…number close…girl I recognized earlier texts me…I see her inside…we talk and dance for a minute…invites me to an after hours…too late…got plans tomorrow…makes me promise I will call her…total nights tally: 2 number closes and a third who requested a call back…in addition I spoke to 1 previous co-star and was texted by another who saw me but noticed I was “busy”…just another day at the office…lol

A lot of guys make the mistake of thinking that the most difficult part of creating real relationships with women is the approach and open.  Or they believe that a few openers are all they need to be successful with women.  I’m here to tell you that the part that defines whether or not you develop a true connection is not during the first words out of your mouth- but much later -the rapport stage.   In fact, if you asked me which part of my model I would most like to be blessed with, it would be the rapport stage.

Like most men I’ve counseled, I had to learn how to be comfortable sharing things that were really important to me with women I liked.  If I wanted to create a legitimate connection with a girl I had to be willing to go to that place that would truly give her a sense of who I am.  If she didn’t reciprocate, well then we were probably not a good match.  Or I didn’t do an effective job of communicating who I am. 

The rapport stage needs to be calibrated.  Your willingness to demonstrate rapport has to be balanced against your neediness to be understood and accepted.  This is really the stage where you are risking that.  If you get blown out of set immediately after your opener, it’s meaningless.  At that point you are a complete stranger.  Rejection at that level is without any real significance.  

The rapport stage is not contrived or manipulated.  Hey, if you need a few opening routines to get the ball rolling with a girl you feel attraction for, you’ll have them.  But this part is very different.  You’re sharing intimate feelings with her.  And hopefully she is sharing her intimate feelings with you.  It’s not something that can be faked convincingly.  It’s not something that’s meant to be faked convincingly.  The Dating Matrix will provide you what constitutes rapport and how you get there.  It will also show you conversation examples so that you can begin to see and practice how a successful execution of the rapport stage looks like.  The content you will see is only temporary until you can identify and define what matters to you.  The bigger picture is you filling in the blanks with your own personal content. 

For instance, I enjoy running.  It gives me a sense of accomplishment, in part because I am not a natural runner and never would have believed a couple of years ago I could run at the pace and distance I regularly do now.  This is important to me.  I was able to breakthrough an old belief and rise above it.  It feels good-this feeling of achievement, of breaking through my limitations.   Well, this is the kind of content or personal information that I share during the rapport stage. 

Here is what I suggest:  list out those things that you find yourself enjoying more than anything else.   Continue to ask yourself why you enjoy these things until you have distilled them into a feeling.  Now you’ve got your rapport topics.  Practice them and memorize them by heart.  You need to be able to access these feelings and stories which relate them easily…naturally…and the only way I know how to do that is practice..

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