A client recently asked me how his friend- who once enjoyed a reputation as a ladies man – became weak and lost his personality in his current relationship with his girlfriend.  He wondered if his friend could get it back.  He feels he lost his edge, and that she has all the value and control now.  It’s a good question.

For me the answer to this question revolves around the frame he projected when they first met.  For instance, when I meet girls I carry myself and engage them from a very alpha non needy place.  My goal is that I want these women to know that I am not looking for a serious relationship right now and if they care to share something with me it will be on my terms.  Now I may lose out on a lot of girls because of that, but that’s ok, because I don’t want to deceive anyone.  And to be honest, I’ve got my hands full in that department anyways…lol.

That’s not to say you can’t perpetuate a strong alpha non needy frame and not be looking for a serious relationship.  I’m just at a place in my life that I don’t want a single monogamous arrangement.  I want to be the guy girls look for when they want to be naughty.  In order to experience this, my persona and the way I carry myself both verbally and non verbally connote a certain style.  At the moment I’m not the flowers, call her 10 times a day, make up a lovey dovey pet name type. 

So going to back to my client’s friend’s dilemma, I think it’s possible to reframe that situation, because he was once a “badass” with chicks. He may be able to get it back.  I would say however chances would be very slight if he never projected that kind of persona.  Let me give you an example of what I mean:  if the musician Sting with his genre of music and fan base changed up his style and attempted to become a gangsta rapper, it would never work.  He would lose all credibility as well as alienating those who knew him before.  Likewise, you probably won’t attract and won’t be attracted to the same type of girls if your initial frame is shyness and a lack of confidence then when you become the opposite of these characteristics. 

This actually is the journey that you are taking through The Dating Matrix.  The dynamics of your relationship both with yourself and with women will change.  That’s the whole point.  You are not changing who you are as much as finding your true self…

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