This reminds me I want to thank everyone who writes in…sorry I can’t respond to every email (that would take my whole life ) but I do the best I can…

His situation is the following:  he likes a girl whom he has expressed an interest in and she has reciprocated.  He’s moved beyond attraction to the rapport stage and has made out with her on at least one occasion.  She recently told him that she wanted to try it one last time with her boyfriend before she decides to split it off and start seeing him.  His question is how should he act toward her in the interim?

My response was simple: act the same way that enabled you to attract her initially.  In other words, live a full life, be active, do things you enjoy doing.  If you sit at home in front of your computer or playing video games every night waiting for her to call, you will resent her when she does.  Similarly, if she knows that you are sitting at home waiting for her call she won’t respect you.

They still speak by phone frequently, email, text, etc, so I told him NEVER bring up the other guy or ask her about her situation. She needs to feel a sense of loss in order to motivate her to make a decision. His frame is that your life is full and having a great time and he is constantly letting her know in a subtle way that he’s actively enjoying life. 

EXAMPLE:

Each time she calls I would not return her call immediately and when I did say something like “Hey, how are you?  Wanted to get back to you sooner but a friend invited me to the playoff game then we ended up going to a  party where I ran into some other friends…blah blah blah” 

In addition, he told me he was scared if he let her perceive him this way it might cause her to stay with the other guy.  I told him his greater risk was that she could play this out for a long period of time all while he lost his life sitting at home.  And with no guarantee she’d end up with him.   For instance, say this lasted 3 years.  What kind of self possessed man sits on the sidelines for this length of time not actively engaging life?  What kind of woman would find that attractive?   

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