A female friend told me today she ran into an old boyfriend.  They had lunch, whereupon he talked nonstop about how much money he made, where he lived now, and the car he drove.  Told her he had seen her on the internet at different events, how she didn’t look that good, and if she were sleeping with anyone.   She was repulsed, and to top it off, at the end of lunch he said he had about an hour’s time before he was due back at the hospital, and would she like to come back to his place for a little fun?

She was completely repulsed.  I can’t imagine why?  This clod’s entire game was monetary.  He had no “game.”  That is, he had not a clue how to talk to a woman, draw her in, make her earn his attention, then compliment her and create rapport.  He simply stated clinical facts.  Boring…And then to further enhance this sterling performance, asked her back to his place for sex.  As a man I was offended.  And sympathetic. 

The asking her back to his place bore no relation to the previous conversation.  She was not vibing him, or displaying any interest whatsoever.  He was going to ask her to bed regardless and in spite of the relationship to the subject matter he spoke of earlier.  His model goes something like this:  I have no model, so therefore I will talk about astrophysics for a while and then ask her for sex. 

I cringed when she told me this story.  Not because I don’t think it happens everyday, but because how she interpreted him after it was over.  She felt no physical attraction whatsoever.  He is successful, not bad looking, but the fact that he was so out of touch  with the non linear aspects to relating to women he completely blew his chances.  This is it in a nutshell:  I’m this, this and this, so lets go to bed. 

I see this all the time and compete with it all the time.  Well compete probably isn’t a great word, more like mentor.  Guys like these never make a woman feel like a woman.  They make her feel like an object.  And it’s easy to see the guys who had no game before they made money and now think they have it. 

I want my ability to relate to people- in this case women- to be based on the relationship I have with myself.  Am I comfortable with myself?  Have I put myself on the line with enough women in enough situations I know I can approach and open whomever whenever while representing myself authentically?  Or do I need to throw my car keys on the bar so everyone sees what I drive?   Or whatever other crutch I feel I need to “get the girl?” 

If not me…then why for you?

Happy T day amigos…make it a great one…

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