Why make it complicated? – Denise Richards

Posted on April 25th, 2009 by Eric Ivy

So I’m home Monday night after dinner with some friends bored because I didn’t attend a boat party I was invited to due to weather…the whole holiday weekend the weather kind of sucked her in Miami. Anyway, I start flipping channels and land on E, my favorite network for meaningful and intelligent fare, and started watching “Denise Richards: It’s Complicated.” My God, poor Charlie Sheen. This guy should get the Presidential Freedom Award for consenting to marriage with this woman…but I digress :)

OK, so she’s a mom two times over, has something like 10 dogs, 2 pigs, and lives with her dad-but she’s still extremely hot. Anyway, her friend sets her up with some guy she knows. The cameras roll as they go on the “blind date.” As Denise enters the bar, the dude is sitting at the bar with his back to the entrance. When he sees her, he nearly jumps out of his seat to give her a hug. But not an alpha hug, an ass out grandmother kind of hug. Very embarrassing. Ms. Complicated is looking at her friend (who is not hot by the way-just more proof that befriending not so hot chicks usually leads to hot chicks) with a bugged out look on her face like WTF?

Ok so later on in this disaster after they’re seated, the dude starts by asking her about movies he’s seen her in and then begins gushing about her co-star Matt Dillon in Wild Things. He then uses the uber clever “Did you grow up in LA?” and follows that up with “Where do you live now?” Thoughts of the Phoenix Suns a la playoff time come to mind.

It’s really incredible to me that guys with no game and no results aren’t actively searching to get the knowledge they need to become successful with women. What I saw is so so common, and so so depressing. Homey never demonstrated any evidence of organized thinking or even the slightest deference to stages of attraction, screening, or rapport building. His frame was her frame, which is essentially no frame.

When playing celebrity game, it’s especially important to control the interaction because girls like Denise will only deal with high value guys. If you don’t demonstrate alpha characteristics, such as controlling frame (not asking about her life but including her while relating value enhancing stories about yours), creating attraction by demonstrating the universal characteristics women desire, screening her by making her explain herself on those same characteristics, and then bonding over shared emotional concepts (family, independence, adventure, etc) it’s game over.

What I just described in a nutshell can be learned by anyone but give you results that put in the top 1%. Speaking of learning you can get great dating advice from my online dating coach

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Numbers Game

Posted on April 18th, 2009 by Eric Ivy

 The fact is that the dating life you create regardless of your relationship goal/s will always be a numbers game. It’s that simple. You may not get the girl. Or you might. But the more you attempt, the better your odds.

Attempting in this sense is pushing yourself to approach women and open with girls you are attracted to. The skill sets, the language, and the tools I use to wrap it all into a pretty little model are only relevant until you internalize and then naturalize the process. Your goal is to become a self possessed man. An opening line or two won’t do it for you. Seeing yourself and learning about yourself as you go through the process to experience success will. At that point you have your own model.

Re framing behaviors and self perceptions doesn’t happen by accident. I’m sorry to say it won’t happen passively either. Are you willing to put yourself on the line? . If you are, and are doing so consciously, you can’t help but learn. A willingness to get rejected and look at your attempts as an experiment sets you apart from other guys. It’s what allows you to become the person you want to become. It makes seeking out women you are attracted to and approaching them a natural habit…

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Inner Game Revisited

Posted on April 15th, 2009 by Eric Ivy

Because it seems so many guys want quick results from dating advice, this topic doesn’t get quite  the attention it deserves. But positive, reinforcing inner game probably overwhelms nearly all social anxieties and in my mind always trumps the skill sets that can help jump start your dating life immediately.

At the same time, I don’t think inner game issues and skill sets that get you initiating social interactions immediately are mutually exclusive. A lot of time, guys need instant gratification to jump start their game. Strong inner game explains why naturals can’t really tell you what they do around people, and women in particular. It just seems to “happen” they are consistently good in social situations. Likewise, guys with low self esteem but technical knowledge can sometime yield impressive results. But they plateau quickly. The reason being there is only so high a ceiling for guys with inner game issues and it is necessary for them to learn how to get game.

The relationship you have with yourself is sub communicated constantly across all forms of communication. And it follows, that because women have highly tuned “antennae” in regards to intuition and feelings, they are able to read you like an x ray. They see inside you. Therefore, if your skill sets and technical knowledge is strong, (ie approach, open, attract, etc) but you are sub communicating low value, she’ll sense the in congruence and you will fail.

That being the case, I always believe you should be working toward creating a positive lifestyle based on those things that satisfy you and can accomplish. Once a particular goal is achieved, you constantly expand by finding new goals and levels to attain. Women and your interaction with them is only a part of a complete life, not the part…

Eric Ivy
Dating Coach and Advisor

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Filed under: Inner Game

Cash Game v’s Real Game

Posted on April 10th, 2009 by Eric Ivy

Guys with cash generally have no game. When I say “game”, I mean the ability to create rapport based solely on relating to another human being based on something other than income, material assets, or financial accomplishments.

Success is not to be envied or marginalized. But used as the single dimension to relate to women is a huge mistake. The kind of women attracted only by money rarely satisfy the interpersonal needs of the men involved with them. It’s generally a shallow vicious cycle of the “ass to cash” paradigm where the longevity of the relationship is determined by the money spent.

A better way is to create value in your personality by learning to connect what you’re passionate about and expressing it. After you approach, and open, the attraction and rapport stages are determined by revealing credible information about yourself. After you learn the template you can use the training wheels I provide, but real content is always king.

A true connection is based on multiple dimensions of emotional needs being met and contained by the other party. The more components of yourself you are in touch with and can express determines the quality of your relationships both with others but most importantly with yourself.

I may be having a Dr. Phil moment here but what I see with a lot of guys is that they are only concerned with learning the skill set to open, attract and date women. What they find out later is that this in itself is quite empty and then they have to reassess their relationship goals to accommodate the desire to experience a full relationship.

The Dating Matrix doesn’t stop by at teaching you the ability to approach women and succeed in getting a date. It goes a step or two further by teaching you the skills to manage an adult relationship with the women or woman you desire..

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Filed under: Dating Women

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The Dating Martix
The Dating Martix