Most guys without success with women think its external factors which are to blame.  The guys who are successful-and I’m not talking about naturals-know better.  The right car, clothes and cash are easy excuses.  But even when we have those things, the real work is done through doing.  We still have to approach that girl.  We still have to create attraction and get her number.  We still have to initiate physical contact. And most important, we need to be aligned internally when we do it.

The right words, car, or clothes are meaningless if there isn’t congruency between what we say or how we look and what we are sub communicating.  Think of a guy who has funny and personable openers but is nervously twitching and avoiding eye contact when he delivers them.  Most girls would blow him off.

The reason why women are often attracted to “jerks” is because these guys are sub communicating values women like.  This type of guy generally comes off as only caring about himself.  The sub communication is “I value myself and my interests.”  This can be challenging to women, who are so used to being put on a pedestal.  And this challenge creates arousal.   But you don’t have to be a jerk to get women…

Congruency therefore to qualities which women find attractive and how you are perceived is what creates consistent success.  Guys who can’t internalize success with women because they haven’t had it, are in need of both the practical skill set to socialize and the inner personal mindset to go after their dreams… Take your chance and attract the women you desire.

Eric Ivy
Dating Coach

Filed under: Inner Game