Last Saturday I found myself at the Setai Hotel bar in South Beach.  For those of you who don’t know the Setai is an upscale Asian inspired destination that caters to Miami’s locals as well as a sophisticated international clientele.  It’s also grossly overpriced.  Welcome to South Beach.

While I was at the bar ordering a drink I noticed to my left a group of 3 women in conversation with two men.  Well, that’s not exactly right.  3 women being bored to death by two men would be more accurate.  The guy doing the talking was shuffling his hands in his pockets and constantly looking down while his wingman just stood there, not engaging and looking most of the time in the other direction. 

I couldn’t hear a word of the conversation but I didn’t need to.  It was as plain as day that the girls had no interest in these poor bastards.  How could I know this and why do I bring it up? 

Some of you might be thinking oh, that’s easy, you were reading the non verbal body language between both parties.  But really, poor non verbal skills-and often time poor verbal skills for that matter-are only a symptom of a far greater issue.  What I am talking about supersedes both.  Welcome to your Inner Game.    

The Dating Matrix program will teach you the verbal and nonverbal skills to approach and initiate with women, but if you lack an internal confidence or belief in yourself, your effectiveness will always be less than what it could be.  Your inner game is everything you do outside of picking up women that makes you feel good about yourself; those things about you  that make you like who you are.   My point for bringing this up is that there is a direct correlation to your level of self confidence and how you perceive your own self image.  

Nature vs Nurture 

I have seen men who are confident naturally-they like who they are and live a life that represents that-who are able to be successful with women without knowing a structure or strategy for approaching them.  In actuality these men are repeating certain steps over and over each time they do so, but in most cases they are just not conscious of it. 

For the rest of us, defining a set of repeatable steps to help guide us in the process will help to create this confidence in ourselves as our interactions become more successful.  But the majority of our confidence must come from a place deep inside ourselves, separate from the measurable results of outside interactions.  Obviously this is not a “quick fix” type of issue, but I just want to frame this so you understand being successful with women is only one component of your life.  Your value and worth are far greater than any single interaction with women.  As we move forward let’s keep this in perspective…

Filed under: Inner Game