For any of you reading this, and really for anyone who wants to better themselves on any subject or skill set, there usually is a catalyst that creates the desire to want to improve.  I know for me it was that my lack of success with women really bothered me.  I saw other guys with girls that I wanted to be with, but never believed I had a shot at.  I struggled getting dates in high school-I remember being bailed out by a platonic girlfriend for a winter formal, and then another girl I grew up with for my senior prom. 

After high school my struggles continued.  I lost my virginity at age 19 during my second year in college. I then promptly fell head over heels in love with that particular girl, which was a complete disaster.  She cheated on me, which really hurt, but I always thought we could make it work.   I continued along this self destructive path with her for almost 2 years. 

At this point in my life two different experiences came to change who I was around girls.  One was the fact I had a friend who always seemed to get the girl.  He was tall, good looking, but more than that he had such game.  His verbal skill set was incredible.  He would make any girl crack up laughing, and he never seemed intimated or flustered.  I always would use his success as a benchmark for me, and frankly, I couldn’t even come close to measuring up.  It was humiliating to go out with him to meet girls, and have him be the only one who was actually doing the hooking up.  I never held it against him-he was my good friend-but I did envy his success.   I imagined (cause that’s all I could do) how much fun it would be and how great it would feel if I could get the girl.

The second experience which galvanized my commitment to learning the game and creating the life I wanted was the following.   Let me first say I hope this doesn’t traumatize me by recalling it!  Her name was Stephanie, and she was a knockout.  It turns out we had went rival high schools and actually grew up close to one another, but I had never met her. 

She had dark hair, olive skin, great natural d cups, and tight hips.  My stepmother at the time met her at a coffee shop. She told Stephanie, “You have to meet my stepson, he is such a great guy, blah, blah blah.”  So I called her on the phone (again I had no phone presence) and we agreed to meet for a drink and then dinner. 

Well that particular summer day it was especially hot, and of course I was running late.  And of course this only added more stress.  It was not the way to start this off.  Anyway, by the time I get to the bar, I have huge lakes of sweat in each armpit of my shirt, and I can’t stop perspiring once I get inside.  It was so bad that the bartender asked if I would like a towel. 

I buy her and myself a drink ( It should have been a tall glass of water) and start asking the usual mundane questions: Who do you know?  What do you do now?  Where did you go to college?  etc…  After 20 minutes of boring conversation we agree to walk to a restaurant just down the street.  During dinner it was more of the same.  I desperately wanted to make a connection with Stephanie, but I was so shy and introverted, I had no idea how to do it.  And on top of that I was so mad at myself because I was really losing this girl and I couldn’t stop it. 

Thankfully, the meal ended and we got up to leave.  I had completely blown it.  She was polite but I knew there was not going to be a second chance.  Anyways, as I walked her to her car, I told her I had a great time, and that it would be fun to do this again.  She said yeah, that would be great, but I noticed that she didn’t look me in the eye when she said this. 

As I walked back to my car, I had that horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach, as well as real anger at myself, like, what an idiot I am!  I was profoundly embarrassed.  And on top of that, my step mom and dad would ask me how it went and I would have to tell them what a loser I was during the date.

Guys, we all have stories like this.  I have several more if you would really like to hear them.  But the point is if you can relate to my experience and these feelings, you have a choice.  You can continue to feel less than human after every interaction with a woman you desire or you can take this emotion and use it as a real catalyst for change.  It’s entirely up to you.  But be certain about one thing:  as much as The Dating Matrix can give you the knowledge, it’s up to you to do the work.  It won’t happen overnight-it certainly didn’t for me.  It will require a true commitment…that will result in a transformative experience.  That’s what real change requires. 

The question is….how bad do you want it?  

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