A 28-day Comprehensive Manual to Approaching, Initiating,
and Creating Romantic Relationships with Women You Desire


Relationship Mgmt

Posted on August 29th, 2008 by Eric Ivy

   

Thanks for the responses fellas.  A lot of emails regarding relationship maintenance based on the last blog.  So here goes:

 To me, whatever relationship goal you have is really secondary to putting yourself in place to meet the woman or women who match your ideal mate profile. 

The reason why is because once you start dating someone, if it turns into a committed and monogamous relationship, it generally happens in stages.  It’s not exactly socially acceptable behavior to relay these kinds of feelings on the first date.  In fact, for the very reason they are feelings, it takes some time to build.  Rarely will you be in the same place as she is and vice versa when you begin.  So it’s more likely that one of you will feel this way before the other. 

And this is exactly why I’m not a proponent of being definitive with women in regards to verbalizing relationship wants and needs.  To begin with, women don’t relate well to linear explanations, but more towards the feelings you give them.  And in nearly all cases most of these feelings are derived from what you do, and not what you say.  And most of the time feelings like this aren’t created overnight.  And in almost all cases if you’re doing the right things she’ll be the one to verbalize to you.

Now let’s say you’ve found a girl you want to be in a fully committed relationship with.  If she’s not ready to feel the same yet, do you think you’ll convince her to by telling her how you feel?  Of course not.  If you tell her you’ll do just the opposite; scare her off.

Jack Nicholson said to never define the relationship.  I think its good advice at least in the initial stages.  The fact is that regardless of your relationship goal, you have to advance the interaction to a stage where it makes sense to begin feeling this way.

Now if you’re after a step by step template…you know where to go…

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Um, Well, Uhhh..

Posted on August 27th, 2008 by Eric Ivy

Do you remember the reality show Millionaire Matchmaker or something like this where girls were interviewed and qualified by a woman who ran a dating service for millionaires?  Anyway a friend of mine in L.A. joined the service and was promptly asked out by one of the “millionaires.”

If you’ve read any of my book, you know that I’m a big fan of sourcing women from a myriad of places.  My program lists 40 such places, activities, and events.  It’s kind of like taking batting practice, or going to the driving range, you simply need an abundance of women to begin executing your skill set.   

Anyway, my friend’s extremely hot, works in the entertainment industry, and whenever we go anywhere guys just flip out.  So this guy contacts her and they begin a telephone/email relationship that ends up with her flying to the city he lives in.  Loving social dynamics like I do, I had a million questions for her as to the logistics, how she was going to behave, what if he does this or that, etc. 

I’ll save the details for later but here is what I found most interesting.  Before she left on the trip she’d gone to a social networking site and viewed his account.  From his pictures she gathered that he may have a girlfriend.  So when she arrives she basically asks him point blank.  It turns out homey wasn’t really prepared.  He stammers and then says, “Yes, uh, I have a girlfriend.” 

Talk about a momentum killer.  Gents, if you are trying to play the jealously plot to spike emotions, this is not how you do it.   Especially after you tell a girl you’re looking for a committed long term relationship.   

Suffice it to say that of course I realize that people need to be compatible and have like minded goals regarding relationships, but discussing it on a first date is too much.  I don’t know all the details here, but I certainly don’t think it’s out of line for this guy to have had a dating life.  And, be honest about it.   If you’re a self possessed man, the assumption is that you have a full life.  That includes a life that works for you when it comes to meeting your relationship goals. 

In my mind, it sounds like this guy lacks experience in handling his relations with women…do you?

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Look But Don’t Touch?

Posted on August 25th, 2008 by Eric Ivy

 

 When you go out to with your male friends do you stand around and comment on girls?  Do you point them out at the bar or club or wherever and talk about how hot they are, or how that one is wearing such and such, or how you’d like to take that one home, etc?  Does it ever include actually approaching and opening any of them?

Advancing your game and separating yourself from the pack sometimes requires literally separating yourself from the pack; your own pack.  If you’re serious about changing your life to make women you desire a part of it, it probably requires you examine other social relationships.  For instance, if you’re the only one in your circle of friends who is proactively executing the steps to approaching and opening girls, your friends are not helping to enable your success.  In fact, they are probably acting more as a distraction holding you back or making you feel strange that you’re making attempts and they’re not.  A wingman or wingmen is great, but they should be like minded and have the same goals as you. 

Simply hanging out and talking about girls instead of to them is a bad habit and one thats harder to break when in a group.  Your better of going it alone or finding others who want to accomplish the same as you..

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Numbers Game

Posted on August 22nd, 2008 by Eric Ivy

  

The fact is that the dating life you create regardless of your relationship goal/s will always be a numbers game.  It’s that simple.  You may not get the girl.  Or you might.  But the more you attempt, the better your odds. 

Attempting in this sense is pushing yourself to approach and open girls you are attracted to.  The skill sets, the language, and the tools I use to wrap it all into a pretty little model are only relevant until you internalize and then naturalize the process.  Your goal is to become a self possessed man.  An opening line or two won’t do it for you.  Seeing yourself and learning about yourself as you go through the process to experience success will.  At that point you have your own model. 

Reframing behaviors and self perceptions doesn’t happen by accident.  I’m sorry to say it won’t happen passively either.  Are you willing to put yourself on the line?  .  If you are, and are doing so consciously, you can’t help but learn.  A willingness to get rejected and look at your attempts as an experiment sets you apart from other guys.  It’s what allows you to become the person you want to become.  It makes seeking out women you are attracted to and approaching them a natural habit…

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Frame Revisited

Posted on August 20th, 2008 by Eric Ivy

   

Do you think the manner and style of your approach has an effect on the overall perception women have of you?  Of course it does.  In fact, I’ll go one step further and tell you I strongly believe that the manner in which you approach, open and attract women is their largest single point of reference for interpreting how you handle yourself in life.   It basically screams out loud how you value yourself and how you add value. 

This is exactly why I teach and hold that developing your frame is among the most critical aspects to initiating and advancing your interactions with women.  This is exactly why a 4 guy can knockout a 10 girl. 

Do you think you could benefit from a frame or way of being perceived that women identified with any of the universal attraction qualities such as: humorous, intelligent, funny, adventuresome, protective, creative, etc?  Obviously yes. 

Learning how to relate those parts of you within a verbal/non verbal framework to reflect the universal qualities of attraction is among the first steps toward successfully relating to women and creating a dating life.  It also probably means doing things a lot different than you are now…

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Are You The Show?

Posted on August 18th, 2008 by Eric Ivy

  

Have you guys seen a Bravo tv show called “Date my ex?”   The basic premise is that some dude is trying to set up his ex girlfriend (for whom he obviously still digs-how beta) with a series of guys he shares a house with.  It’s all very lame considering the “reality” of reality television, but one thing’s for certain:  if you don’t have game you can’t hide it.

Take this one cat.  He gets his chance for a date and decides on a picnic in the park.  He’s from Minnesota and fills the park with snow and trees and other dork alerts.  Mind you this park is in the middle of L.A.  Anyway, the girl arrives via car and he greets her and takes her on a short walk to his masterpiece.   She seems impressed and they begin a little idle chatter.  But after exchanging pleasantries (”Hi, how are you?”)  he begins to melt like the snow under his feet.  He simply shuts down and stops talking.   It was painful to watch.  The girl picks up on this and for the sake of the cameras props this guy up buy directing the entire conversation and even agrees to slide down the hill on her ass.

Now this guy happened to be sincere, sweet and innocent-and those aren’t attraction killers in and of themselves. He wasn’t bad looking, or dressed poorly, or hadn’t showered in a week.  But the inability to have crafted stories, experiences, or even a game plan of what to discuss and how to move the interaction forward to a romantic conclusion killed his chances.  He had no clue how to execute a verbal/non verbal model that could relate his identity in a way that created attraction and therefore easily lead to rapport.   

Talking about where you’re from, family, or where you work becomes relevant when you’ve created attraction.  She only wants to be engaged on subjects like these after you’ve created a desire on her part to know more about you.  Beginning with rapport or what I call clarifying questions is what you’re competition is doing…like our friend Frosty from Minnesota…isn’t it time this wasn’t you?

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The First Step

Posted on August 4th, 2008 by Eric Ivy

  

There are a lot of different schools of thought regarding becoming skilled at social dynamics.  There’s also a lot of uniformity in terms of what works and what doesn’t.  In fact, there’s tons of theory available from an empirical standpoint if that’s your thing.

But the bottom line is if you are going to get good at finding yourself in relationships with women you desire, it’s going to take work.  You’re going to have to get some dirt under your fingernails.  The Dating Matrix 28 Day Online Program is the only online program of its kind designed to deliver a customizable and personalized knowledge base and an action plan to execute it.  But it still requires work.  You can’t outsource the doing. 

It takes work to learn a new way of thinking and representing who you are as a person.  Work to force yourself into social situations which at first may seem very awkward. Work to become aware of your sticking points. 

When do you plan on starting…

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Comfort Zone

Posted on August 1st, 2008 by Eric Ivy

   

Has it occurred to you that what you find difficult others might find difficult as well?  Has it also occurred to you if you do nothing to acquire knowledge and advance yourself you’ll continue to experience the same difficulty?

For instance, most guys when they deal with girls who intimidate them never lead the interaction.  They can’t.  How can you lead an interaction if you are full of fear?  How can you lead an interaction if you don’t know how to in the first place?

Attraction is created, controlled an initiated by the male species.  Doing so defines you and sets you apart from the pack. If you are not leading the interaction, you simply cannot create attraction.  To say that a different way, if when you talk to women you suddenly become mute, avoid eye contact, and or become embarrassed, you’re not giving her a reason to find you desirable.  If you look great but can’t capture her verbally, your looks are worthless.

That’s why I’m adamant about controlling the frame of interaction by doing 90% of the talking for the first 2 or 3 minutes.  I’m just as adamant about physical escalation in the beginning stages of the interaction.  Creating attraction keeps you in set and allows for the advancement to the clarifying stage, which then leads to…The Dating Matrix

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Color Commentator

Posted on July 30th, 2008 by Eric Ivy

  

To realize any of your relationship goals you need to talk.  Attracting, creating rapport and dating girls is about talking.  And in the beginning stages its 90% you doing the talking. 

When you watch a football game, there’s always a play by play man as well as a color commentator.  The play by play is just simply the facts.  Third and goal, quarterback steps back, pumps once, hands off to the running back who’s taken down behind the line of scrimmage.  The color man adds life to the actual facts.  Think John Madden.  Emotions, off field stories, and what’s going through the players mind is what he brings to the broadcast.

We’ve already discussed men naturally emote very little, and most of our discussion style can be categorized as structured, elemental, linear and logical.  This is why many women leave dates with men feeling as if they’ve just been interviewed for a job.  It’s also why most men regurgitate the same lines when meeting women:  What do you do?  Where are you from?

The way to attract women verbally is by being the color man.  Just the facts is dry, limiting, boring, and lacks an emotional component women need to interpret and attach to you.   For instance, instead of saying “I went skiing in Colorado last month.  It was fun.”  Something like, “So we had to take this little airplane to the mountain,  you know the ones where you walk out to on the tarmac?  Seats about 12 people, propeller, you know all that.  I hate flying those planes!  So as I get to the stairs to get on board, the captain is standing there.  I thought he was the steward.  He looked about 17 years old.  Immediately I started to freak.  I’m like dude, tell me you just didnt get promoted from baggage.  How old are you? Blah blah blah

Make certain your attraction stories, screening, and clarifying conversations are based in emotion, not fact.. 

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Bermuda Triangle

Posted on July 24th, 2008 by Eric Ivy

  

So I’m watching a movie called Sex and Death 101 which is about a soon to be married guy who receives an email listing all the women he has slept with and will sleep with.   Naturally he ditches his fiancée and goes about getting the ass he deserves.  Anyway, the movie was predictably stupid and boring, but there was one incident I want to recall.

One of the girls that he mistakenly believed to be on his list ends up being a girlfriend.  Emphasis on “friend.”  Anyway, he starts dating her and because he really likes her and believes this could turn into a LTR (long term relationship) he completely changes his game.  He eases off the gas pedal of physical escalation.   In fact, his frame becomes her frame, and therefore he never directs the initiation.  It was sad to see, but all too common.

When you find someone you like, the fundamentals don’t change.  Physical escalation is not dirty, malicious, or demeaning.  It doesn’t change with different relationship goals.  Physical escalation and your entire non verbal skill work in unison.  Calibrating them based on her feedback is important, but these elements must always be present to avoid the Bermuda Triangle that is the “friend zone…” 

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